Worst Movie Ever!

So it must be a slow night in Manila television-wise. Well every night is a slow night television-wise. Generally there is nothing on TV so I usually don’t even bother trying to find something of value to watch and instead rely on DVDs of TV shows and various movies to pass the time. Now, tonight in a vain attempt to find something of interest, I began flipping channels and came upon a little known low budget action-disaster movie that for some reason peaked my interest. I was immediately enthralled by what just might be the worst movie ever made. Now, I am usually careful in calling something the “worst movie ever,” as I never thought that anything could realistically surpass the mind-boggling stupidity of the movie Last Action Hero staring none other than Gov. Schwarzenegger. But to be mentioned in the same breath as Last Action Hero, it of course needed to have just the right combination of appalling acting, offensively bad special effects, and a plot riddled with so many holes and clichés as to infuriate even the most forgiving of movie watchers. But I think I might have just found it. The movie I am talking about is called Malibu Shark Attack. I know, I also like movie titles that have little to no imagination and describe exactly what the movie is about. Truth be told, perhaps Malibu Tsunami Shark Attack would have been more accurate.

The basic premise of the movie is that a group of unsuspecting Californians who were frolicking on the beach one morning are caught by surprise tsunami which strikes the coast of California with a extremely fake looking 100 foot high wave. Ouch! As you can imagine, a 100 foot wave would understandably create a lot of destruction and perhaps a little flooding. Now this is obviously bad enough, but the situation turns much worse as appearing from nowhere comes a hunting pack of prehistoric-looking goblin sharks, thought to be extinct. I know . . . amazing. The story follows a group of lifeguards who take cover in a flimsy life guard station on the beach in Malibu that is able to protect them from the force of the aforementioned hundred foot wave but not some hungry prehistoric goblin sharks. Anyway without going into too much detail, basically the sharks and the humans killed each other off until finally the humans won. But why should I continue explaining it when you can see the trailer.



Now with the addition Malibu Shark Attack to my list of horrible movies, I have to say that my top three worst movies of all time are:

1) Malibu Shark Attack
2) Last Action Hero
3) While She Was Out

(Number 3 might need a little explanation. The movie stars Kim Basinger as a abused house wife who witnesses a random seemingly senseless murder committed by a group of four street thugs who in turn pursue her to kill off the witnesses. While Kim flees her attackers, she takes with her a red tool box and proceeds to kill off each of them with a different tool from said tool box throughout the course of the movie. I believe the murder weapons were a wrench, tire iron, screw driver, and flare. Yup pretty awful.)

This new ranking also bumps Dungeons and Dragons off the top three list. Sorry Faust!